Harvey Pekar moments

I've had two so far.

First, rooting bins at the outlet I was afflicted with an unholy nerd couple taking turns reading stupid, racist jokes from a copy of 'Truly Tasteless Jokes' they'd extracted from the mass (insert pause to thank the internet for killing that particular literary franchise).  

Imagine being trapped between a pair of socially crippled nerds shout-reciting Monty Python skits at each other, only replace Monty Python with "jokes" like why do you never hit a black on a bike? and  why can't Rock Hudson get car insurance?  

After each perceived 'zinger' a contrived mini-argument broke out over which Ur-Nerd would officially possess the book once they purchase it and took it home.  Their braying, self-conscious laughter rang through the warehouse like the bells of an idiot Notre Dame.

Second, en route to the shop I stopped for a breakfast taco and came upon a disheveled older fellow reciting the plot of the Denzel Washington potboiler Man on Fire to the profoundly disinterested cashier.   

After the interminable recitation wound down, there was a pause.  

The cashier and I shared a sigh of relief, but too soon.

"There's this paper in New York, it's like the New Times here.  I lived in New York for a while.  And they did this article on celebrity tipping, like how much celebrities tip when they get a pizza or go to a restaurant or whatever.   And you know who was the shittiest tipper?"

The cashier, softer of heart than myself, answered.

"Who?"

"Denzel Washington, that's who.  Denzel Washington is a shitty tipper.  How do you not tip, he makes twenty million dollars a year, residuals from films....shitty tipper."

He rose from his stool and left, speaking not another word.