true customer tales: Return of Chicken Hat Lady

She rolled in drunk as a lord & proceeded to empty out her whole little wire shopping cart onto the rug in front of the register, extracting a book she wanted to return from its nether reaches. "I'll need the receipt," I said, since she's tried to pull things over on us before. So now it's been fifteen minutes of slurred jabber as she delves through every cranny of her three gigantic purses & extensive collection of plastic bags looking for this apocryphal receipt. A sampling of her stream of un-consciousness:

Law of physics dictate, nothing is created or destroyed! Okay so this means I need a new life on a new planet, this is all bunk it's not working out. i keep calling the high council up there...I can't believe this! Maybe I can find a friend or somebody to buy it. Worth a try. Since you're not busy I'm just gonna stand here a second and try to think. Where in god's name....if I'd left it alone...I keep receipts in my home for eight years, this is just RIDICULOUS. Get me out of here, I'm so aggravated with myself....get the HELL out of here...I spent SO much money in here, I overextended myself. I think that receipt went bye-bye....