Hey LeBron, How's My Dirk Taste?: A 'King' James Haterade Compilation

I'm a casual fan of the NBA these days, but I follow the big stories and pay attention to the playoffs...so I'm greatly enjoying the aftermath of the Dallas Mavericks finals triumph over the Death Star of the NBA, the Miami Heat. The delusional self-importance of LeBron's "decision" special (there are ways to change teams without leaving a flaming bag of poop on the doorstep of every fan who ever rooted for you), the presumption that money and talent alone dictate championships, the obvious (and illegal) collusion between the 'Big Three' to orchestrate their simultaneous arrival in South Beach, and the irritating sham that they are in any meaningful way a Big Three.
Wade, absolutely. LeBron, okay, on raw talent. But Chris Bosh? Please!


Anyway.
This has been by far the most enjoyable Finals aftermath ever, as everyone and their cousin lines up to pitch trash at King James. Hereafter find my favorite bits of humorous flotsam, all honestly earned by the sweat and toil of LeBron's galaxy-sized ego, culled mainly from Facebook and Twitter.

LeBron James should play hockey. He should be wildly successful, since in the NHL, there are only 3 periods.

I'm told earlier today DeShawn's Wiki page said he was born "in Fresno, CA in 1981, and currently resides in LeBron James's head."

One of my favorites, from Gin & Tacos:

In honor of LeBron James I left work 12 minutes early today.

I hear LeBron James is considering marrying his longtime girlfriend just so he can get a ring.

Q: Why does LeBron James give you $0.75 when he makes change for a dollar? A: Because he doesn't have a 4th quarter.

LeBron? James? The King? I don't recall that name...doesn't have a ring to it.

Why did LeBron James get an automatic transmission in his Lamborghini? He's not good in the clutch.

LeBron to the haters: "Get a life, losers!"

Green Lantern - 1 Ring / Lebron James- 0 Rings

Lebron James reminds me of Michael Jordan... when he played baseball

Vanessa Bryant has more rings than LeBron James.

(OUCH, that one leaves a mark)

Lebron James is the Jennifer Aniston of getting rings.

I'm the LeBron James of finishing a whole bag of cheese puffs. I can't.

My fiancée got a ring before lebron james. Now that's a fact you can take to the bank

It's not nice to revel in the misery of others, but I'm making an exception for Lebron James tonight.

It took LeBron James to make America finally love Mark Cuban.

70 years after WW2, LeBron James has America rooting for the German.

Can Lebron James get rid of the Abe Lincoln beard now? since he just got John Wilkes Boothed!!!

Scottie Pippen clarified his statement about Lebron James being better than Michael Jordan, meant Jordan's time with the Washington Wizards.

But......just to end on a positive note, here's Dirk Nowitzki chugging from an $80,000 bottle of champagne: