Good B-Movie Tag Lines

A while back we ended up with about 15 banker boxes full of obscure genre stuff on VHS, the life's work of someone thoroughly obsessed with a specific type of low budget horror/sf/crime movie that abdicates the potential creative freedom of its humble origins to mount a doomed recreation of mainstream Hollywood offerings. Picture a destitute bohemian who, rather than essay their own defiant style from found objects and thrift store finery, attempts to re-create a classic Brooks Brothers ensemble using 15 yards of tan polyester.

I don't know that I'd willingly watch any of them, but the boxes do provide occasionally amusing promotional tag lines, to wit:


Jaded: Not All Sexual Predators Are Men!

Aftershock, Earthquake in New York: Terror is off the richter scale.

Sabertooth: Some things are better left extinct.

Bloodthrirst, Legend of the Chupacabras: If you breathe, it will find you.

Brotherhood of Murder: HATE IS THICKER THAN BLOOD (starring William Baldwin & Peter Gallagher!)

Blowback: Terror Has Never Been So Intense! (starring Mario Van Peebles & James Remar)

The House Next Door; Thou shalt love thy neighbor....to death (with Theresa Russell AND Sean Young...I bet that was a tranquil set.)

and finally, my favorite combination of title, genre, tag line and star:

Joey Lawrence in the horror opus TEQUILA BODY SHOTS (you can tell it's a horror opus because there's a SKULL between 'body' and 'shots', see), tag line:

Lick it.
Slam it.
Suck it.
Kill it.

And actually, as I peruse the promo copy for this one I may have to take back my bold claim about not watching any of these gems.
Peep this, dear readers:

Things take a strange turn for Johnny (Joey Lawrence) and his two buddies when he gets mind reading powers from a medicine man's tequila while on a road trip to a party in Mexico. Armed with secred knowledge about Tamlyn, the woman he loves, Johnny and his friends must race to save her- and themselves- from the clutches of evil forces who threaten their very existence....at a deadly party in hell!

Not saying it'd be good, but the whole project gives off a joie de vivre its contemporaries notably lack.