Food: frozen pizza

A public service announcement relayed from my pal Zim:

Beware DiGiorno Harvest Wheat Crust frozen pizzas.

He declares them practically inedible.

And honestly, what's the point of a wheat crust frozen pizza?

It's nothing but a sop to your conscience, like the gluttons at the Italian place I used to work who would march through the complimentary basket of grease-soaked bread, an appetizer of fried mozzarella and an eggplant Parmesan entree like the Nazis through Poland.....and wash it all down with a large diet soda.

And lest you write Zim off as some sort of prima donna food purist akin to your humble narrator, this is the same man who openly bragged of "eating like a king" for a month after finding a stack of Brand X frozen pizzas for a buck each on clearance at the local convenience store. And who, in his youth, would use the same water to boil his nightly hot dogs for weeks on end, deigning to add fresh only when the level dipped to the point where the dogs were beached on the bottom of the pot, half exposed like sea lions at ebb tide.

The Harvest Wheat Crust defeated even the leathery tastebuds and cast-iron stomach of this much-decorated triathelete of nutritional misery.

You have been warned!