Metaphor Madness

more Olympics:

I was watching with both eyes this time, because 'Snowboard Cross' (described by one hyperventilating announcer as "snowboarding meets motocross...ON SNOW!".....I shit you not) is fun to watch, with people bashing into each other and wiping out left and right.

A more descriptive phrase to someone of my demographic would have been "snowboarding meets roller derby....ON SNOW!

The focus was on the heavily favored American (the 'heavily favored American' seems to come standard with all these nouveau Olympic X-sports). This one had earned the ire of the wife and I during the requisite vaseline-lensed 'human interest' piece where she painted herself as some kind of female trailblazer, "proving" that women could be elite athletes...which is a remarkable specimen of navel-gazing ignorance, even coming from a privileged young American.

After all the hagiography, the race finally starts.
The final unfolded like most of the previous heats- whoever was in front after the first turn had a huge advantage over the rest of the field, with only the course to navigate. Only one previous heat ended with more than two boarders on their feet, and this one was no different- the third-place finisher had to hop back onto the course following a wipeout so they could award a bronze medal, and one gal wiped out so bad they had to cart her off on a snow stretcher.

So, the heavily favored American has a huge lead after the other three pinball each other into various states of disarray...only the Swiss gal is still on her feet, a distant second.

But wait....going over the final jump, with the finish line in sight, the heavily favored American decides it's time to show off a little...she's the best, after all, and has a huge lead over the only remaining competitor. So she adds a fancy rail grab to her final jump (there was some debate as to whether it was an 'indy' or a 'fakie'). And EATS SHIT on the landing, spinning off the track while the Swiss boarder blows by her to the gold.

This would be a good enough metaphor for America's current position on the world stage, but it became even more pointed during the inevitable post-disaster interview, where after a huddled conference with her various handlers the heavily favored American lied through her teeth to try and make her hotdogging look less arrogant and idiotic- "I'd been having trouble with that jump all day, and I grabbed the rail to try and stabilize myself."

Patent bullshit, which of course went unchallenged by the interviewer & the announcers.

The LA Times sports page had it right this morning, echoing one of Chick Hearn's famous phrases in a 72 point headline- "One Hotdog, No Mustard".