True Customer Tales: That Old Lady's Ringtone

Was guiding an eager young lady to our Education section when a cell phone went off right next to us. The ringtone was Sir Mix-A-Lot's I Like Big Butts. The young lady glanced to the side and burst out laughing- the gal answering the phone was in her mid 60's, pear shaped & topped with a comical hairsprayed coiffure that wouldn't have been out of place on the set of RuPaul's Drag Race.




It put me in mind of that old advice column in the Onion, Ask Sir Mix-A-Lot.

Dear Sir Mix-A-Lot,
I am an elderly woman who lives alone. There are no senior centers in my area, and I live on a fixed income. I would love to get out and meet more people, but there seem to be very few options for someone my age. Is there some social outlet I don't know about?

—Lonely In Laramie

Dear Lonely,
Kick it, lick it, watch where I stick it / Face down while I punch your ticket / Ride my king cobra 'round the world / Wanna do ya girl / Want ya pettin' my big black cat / Blackberry jam don't shake like that / If your booty's extra-large, I'll bring the funk / Wanna see some extra luggage in the trunk.